Cold Hearted
by FranklyMyDear89
Summary: "Betrayal can be very difficult to move forward from," the woman said, her pen starting up again. "Was this in a work or personal relationship?" Duo hesitated. "Both," he answered. ONESHOT SONGFIC 'The Almighty Ro'-style.


Duo shifted uneasily in the wine-colored oversized armchair, figuring it was probably a sign of his mental instability that something so comfortable would make him nervous. The entire room he was presently sitting in had been designed to relax the mind, and yet Duo wanted nothing more than to bolt and never look back. The floral-printed tissue box on the table beside him was the cherry on top, he decided. It only served to make his blood race and a queasy feeling to settle in his stomach.

This was decidedly the last place in the world he wanted to be right now. Well, second to last, actually, which was why he couldn't run this time. This would allow him to run later.

Duo turned his attention from the tissue box and back to the woman sitting across from him. He could see her analyzing his appearance, and he almost chuckled. He was surely a sight. Hair frazzled, still pulled back in the braid he'd put it in three days ago. Clothes not much better. And he had to look beyond exhausted, what with his swollen eye lids and dark circles.

Haggard. He looked haggard.

In fact, he looked the opposite of this woman, whose name he couldn't remember. Dr. Something-Or-Other. She looked pristine with her hair up in a tight bun, pressed suit and nylons. Completely at ease, like she owned the place. Which she did, if the wall of diplomas behind her was any indication of her success.

"So Duo," she said, crossing her legs and leaning forward, giving him her full attention. "May I call you Duo?" She must have seen him flinch, because she looked mildly concerned as she asked the question.

Duo cleared his throat, rubbing his palms against his knees. "Maxwell," he said in lieu of an answer once he found his voice. He didn't add that only two people called him Duo; one a dear friend, and the other… well the other was the reason he was here.

The doctor nodded, a small smile gracing the corners of her lips. "Maxwell," she repeated. "I understand that you'd like to leave the Preventers and enter a… more civilian setting." Duo let the implications stand. He knew he was running, and he knew she knew he was running. There was no use trying to deny it. "Would you like to tell me why?"

Of course he didn't. It wasn't any of her business. Sighing, though, he kept that thought to himself. This was just part of the process. Anyone not killed on the job had to have a psych evaluation before moving on to something else. Like they'd be any less dangerous after having talked to a complete stranger about their feelings. At least he didn't have to go far; they had their own therapy department on the fifth floor of their office building, right across from the conference rooms.

"Maxwell, this will be a lot easier if you open up to me," she admonished as she scribbled something on her clipboard.

Duo swallowed the lump in his throat. Where to start? "Have you ever been stabbed in the back?" he asked, a humorless laugh underlying his words. She quirked an eyebrow, but remained silent. "Well I have. Literally, during the war. It knocked the air out my lungs and the next thing I knew I was on the ground, my face in the dirt. There's a kind of confusion that goes with it, since you never see it coming, but it kind of makes sense at the same time because the guy who did it is your enemy and if you'd had the chance you would have done it to him instead."

He took a shaky breath and wrung his hands together. "This felt nothing like that."

Sitting up straighter, the woman cocked her head at him. "Are we talking literal or metaphorical now?"

"Metaphorical," Duo clarified. "Although I can kinda see why they call it that. It blindsides you, and the pain is real enough." He unconsciously rubbed his chest, something he hadn't noticed he'd picked up the last few days. He laughed again. "You're lucky if you survive it."

"Betrayal can be very difficult to move forward from," the woman said, her pen starting up again. "Was this in a work or personal relationship?"

Duo hesitated. "Both," he answered, his voice cracking, which made her look up from her notes. "I guess it doesn't really matter now, since I'm gone anyway. I'd get fired for telling you this, if I wasn't already quitting."

"Tell me what?"

Picking a non-judgmental spot on the floor to look at, he clasped his hands together. "I fell for my partner," he admitted. "We moved in together six months ago. I loved him." He shrugged, meeting her eyes again, surprised that her face had stayed neutral. "But I guess I'm not that great at judging a person's character. Never in a million years would I have thought him capable…" he choked for a moment and turned back to the floor, his face and eyes burning. "I didn't think he was the type of guy that could do something like that."

The woman took a moment to pick her question, trying to word it in such a way that wouldn't make him close up. She'd spent enough time being avoided by the former Gundam pilots to know she was making incredible headway. "You're referring to Heero Yuy, yes?" Duo nodded without looking up. "You started saying 'capable'; you didn't think he was capable of what?"

Duo wondered if it would ever stop hurting to think about it. He doubted it. "Cold-hearted. I knew he could be cold, sometimes the job required it, but he was never cold-hearted. I didn't think he could be. He was so… different with me."

"Tell me about that. What made him different in the beginning from the way he is now? What changed?"

"In the beginning?" Duo could hardly remember the beginning. It was amazing he'd been so crazy in love back then. "He was sweet, in a creepy kind of way, but then we never were what you'd call normal. He didn't talk much, my exact opposite really, but what he did say to me, especially when no one else was listening… it seemed sincere, and I ate it up." Duo thought harder, digging for anything that would get this over with. "He smelled good. Like a soldier, but in a good way. It always could make me weak. Even before we got together."

"How did you take that leap from work partner to life partner? What was the catalyst?"

Duo cringed. "Look lady, we weren't strictly gay. I mean, we were, we had sex," he huffed at the thought, "mind-blowing sex, but it was just us, you know? We weren't really made for the lifestyle. Outside the bedroom we're both as straight as they come." He paused, momentarily forgetting her original question. "Anyway, it happened fast. We'd just joined up once the Mariemaia thing was taken care of, and we were told we had to learn to indulge ourselves, you know, be selfish for once. Normal. Human. Those were the kinds of words they used.

"I didn't have issue with it. I partied, traveled, whatever struck me I went and did. Off the job, of course. That came first, but actually having a second, something _other_ than orders or work, when days off were _really_ days off, that was heaven. Heero… had to be coached. He struggled with it. I mean, he'd been so wired for combat, life didn't really make sense to him at first. He wanted to experience things, but he didn't even know where to start. We had to drag him around with us for months, just so that he could get used to the motions.

"It was my mouth that got me in trouble, though. When is it not, right?" he asked with a wry grin and a derisive snort. "Anyway, he came to me one day, confessing that he didn't feel complete as a person, that he didn't know what was missing, and I stupidly suggested he get laid. He drug me up to the bedroom and the rest is history. I've always been the idiot romantic, so I fell in love. I suppose I could have just asked him right then, he probably would have told me, but I didn't even think about it. I mean, who has the forethought to ask if their heart's gonna get broken? And if you actually have to ask someone if they're cold-hearted, then you don't really know them, right?"

"People do unusual things when they fall in love, Maxwell," the doctor tried to console. "And everyone handles it differently. That doesn't mean it isn't worth the risk involved. Pain and happiness often balance each other."

Duo shook his head, clenching his hands into fists. "I can handle the pain. That isn't the problem."

"Then what is the problem?" she asked, actually sounding curious. Like Duo wouldn't be the first person in line to point out his flaws. He hoped she wasn't getting too ambitious with all this gut-spilling nonsense. Other than Quat, he doubted she'd have much headway with the rest of them.

"I told you, I loved him. In my own twisted way, I probably still do. But every time I see him…" he propped his elbows on his legs and buried his face in his hands as they shook. "Every time I can't help thinking an eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth." He looked up, desperately hoping he made some kind of sense to her, that she understood. "I want him to hurt. I want him to fall in love and have it yanked out from under him. If I don't beat him up – which I'd love to do, by the way – I want someone else to hurt him the way he hurt me. I want him to know how it feels to die inside." He broke into a fit of hysterical laughter, finally snapping. "That makes me just like him, doesn't it? Never thought I could be the cold-hearted one."

"Maxwell," the doctor said quietly, leaning forward and placing a comforting hand on his knee. He really was a wreck, because he let her. "We're almost done. Just a few more questions, okay?"

Duo swallowed thickly and nodded. He just had to hold it together for a few more minutes, and then he'd be free. Free to leave. Free to forget. "Shoot," he said, grinning sardonically at his own bad joke.

The doctor hesitated, wondering if it would set him off, but the question needed to be asked. Frankly, she was surprised they'd made it this far without him getting violent. But his obvious avoidance meant that it absolutely needed to be addressed. "What was it that Heero did to betray you?"

Duo sat at his desk – what was soon to be no one's desk – and released a big sigh of relief. Behind him, his scant few belongings were packed neatly into a duffle bag, which he'd left on what was also soon to be no one's bed. The walls were blank, stark even. In his back pocket was a ticket for a shuttle heading off world later that morning.

And in front of him, were the completed forms that terminated his status as a Preventer.

The shrink had implored him not to do anything drastic until he calmed down and came to terms with his feelings. His friends had nearly begged him to stay, if not there then at least in contact. Heero had spouted an uncharacteristically long speech that had been concocted to keep him from leaving, to understand and forgive.

But Duo knew. He knew those pretty little words were just to cover up a dark and crooked heart. Only someone with a forked tongue could hope to pull it off, but Duo was tired of being in love with a snake. In the end, he'd only fall apart.

Carefully folding the crisp papers, he slid them into an envelope, the stamp and address already in place. He shouldered his bag, and crossed the room, not sparing his surroundings a second glance. He ignored the pathetic form on the couch as he went quickly through the living room to the front door.

He hit the button for the lobby as he entered the elevator down the hall, smiling to himself and bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet as he did so.

He didn't think that he could be so cold-hearted.

But apparently he could.

And Hell if it didn't feel good.

A/N: Okay, I know Duo never worked as a Preventer, but it worked for what I wanted, so I went with it as many of us do. So no judging. I'm sure many of you will demand to know what Heero did too, but that's for me to know and you to wonder. Any other comments are welcome, though.


End file.
